Stayed up too late again last night. I do work. Lots of it. I create systems and frameworks. I learned how to use AI as a tool. I'm documenting my life. Working towards deep alignment. Seeking clarity in my life and my work. A gift to myself.
A gift to the world.
Assuming someone else finds value or inspiration to do the work I'm doing.
Then today. A question crept into my mind. On one hand, unwanted thoughts. On the other, a realization. Is my work anything more than an exercise in futility? A distraction born from being gravely concerned I'll never get a job? Searching. Applications. Preparation. Interviews. Sometimes multiple for the same role. I still come home with nothing more than experience and an opportunity to re-calibrate and do something different because what I'm doing isn't working.
Sit with the doubt and the frustration while I look at my hard-earned and hard-fought goose egg.
Today I'm tired.
Today I'm frustrated.
And, today I'm afraid my career is ruined.
Get a life. Loser.
Either that, or get in, sit down, shut up, and hang on.
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