Seminar?

I signed up for a "free" online seminar called "Meant For More."  The seminar was being put on my Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi.  They also had an online community I decided to participate in.  Somehow I got the date wrong and thought it was on Wednesday and I had an interview scheduled with G4.  

Wednesday I had the interview and answered the questions well; but it wasn't elegant.  My first two interviews all the words and thoughts elegantly came together.  Well spoken, well constructed, passionately communicated with elegance and substance.  The interview yesterday was a struggle.  My brain was short circuited and the right words and experiences were stuck in some corner of my brain that I couldn't access.  My performance was a disappointment.  I don't know if I got the job or I didn't.  All I know is I am capable of a better performance than I gave.  I don't know if my stumbles cost me the opportunity.  All I know is I was heartbroken after the call.  I don't understand why I didn't/couldn't perform.  My preparation sucked?  I was tired from rushing home to make the interview and ended up flying home the night before getting in at 3am.  All of the above?  None of the above?  It's the universe telling me it's the wrong opportunity.  Even though I match every line item in their position expectations.  I wish I knew why my brain short circuited. 

As it turned out, the seminar was today.  I got to join.  It was literally 5 hours sitting at my computer listening to Dean Graziosi, Tony Robbins and a host of other speakers.  The ultimate goal of the seminar was to get people to enroll in their 'next big idea' to build a coaching business.  The guest speakers were the hook to try and get people to enroll.  Here's the strange thing.  I took 20 pages of notes in "my book."

When I was a GM I started keeping notes, thoughts and "to do" lists in a small hard cover book filled with dots on the pages instead of lines.  I write things down in it that I don't want to forget.  It's how I take notes, noodle on ideas and kind of formulate my thoughts or break things down.  It's part organizer, part to do list, part note taking, part brainstorming and it's all handwritten.  It's not what I do here - but it's a way for my brain to plan and document tasks, ideas, business objectives, etc.

I've used it to document and try to extract important ideas or concepts to move forward with my life post JetBlue.  I've written in 56 pages of my book.  The first page documented the opt out process to leave JetBlue.  The rest of it focuses on the future and various things I've investigated, pursued or thought about.

There are some golden nuggets jotted down today:

Solution statement:  I run an honest auto repair shop so people don't get ripped off getting their car fixed.

Thoughts become words.  Words become actions.  Actions become habits.  Habits become character.  Character becomes destiny.

Because I was afraid of failing. I didn't achieve my goals. The flip side - I achieved my goals and went for it while tolerating the risk of uncertainty.  I figure it out as I go.  I show up.

I gain clarity as I talk about myself and my dreams.

Ready isn't a feeling.  Ready is a decision you make. 

15 minutes a day turns into 90 hours a year. 

The whole proposition is selling through service.  Recommend something to give experience to help people.

I am enough, I know enough, I need a plan with a clear path.

Action + implementation = momentum 

The answers don't come from thinking.  They come from doing. 

Clarity comes from action.

Time is ticking.  We can't stop time.  As times passes pieces of it fall into the past and there's nothing left but regret.  The biggest poison to success is regret.

If you don't step into the arena and take charge you'll never live your life. Be the solutions meant to be more and do more.

Elevate, let go and pursue.

The you you haven't met yet is your greatest you.

Familiar bias - desensitized to greatness.  They see imperfections and disqualify you.  Take your dream to people not disqualifying you - the people who don't dream *with* you.

Don't be surprised when the closest people don't support you.  God will put people in your world who do.

DOn't let other people place impossibilities on you.

Boundaries keep the wrong people out and let the right people in.

There's still 7 pages left of goodness written in my book that I'm too tired to type. Must let some of this percolate.

 Man O' man - there is some good stuff up there. 

Flash back to after the interview.  Yesterday I told my wife about what happened during the interview.  She was disappointed.  I wonder if my brain is dying.  I think she wonders if my brain is dying.  Her paternal grandpa died from alzheimer's disease.  Upon learning this information, her mother (janet) decided she was not going to let that happen to her husband (dave).  Janet started insisting Dave play games to keep his mind active.  They've been playing games for 15 years at the kitchen table.  After today's call/seminar my wife insisted I come to the kitchen to play games with her to keep my mind active.  Coincidence? 

Proof of low IQ

 Having a UFC fighting cage erected on the White House lawn is proof Donald Trump is a low IQ individual.  What a complete waste of resources. It’s low class trash wrestling entertainment for Neanderthals.  

Vintage vs Antique

 Today I learned that vintage is anything at least 25 years old. I also learned that antique is anything over 50 years old. I didn’t realize there was a difference.

A lot of Gen X people enjoy vintage audio gear. My speakers are vintage.  I was surprised to learn my two receivers are antiques. 

Back in the day my Pappy had a radio that was the size of a small refrigerator.  I thought that was an antique.  Antique to me meant inoperable junk or pristinely restored items from the previous millennium. 

Never in a million years would I consider myself an antique collector. Yet here we are with me listening to antique electronics. Is that even a thing?  Antique and electronics don’t belong in the same sentence. 

Gad Saad

 More people ought to know about this guy and his work. Two of his works include:  The Parasitic Mind and Suicidal Empathy.  

He’s a smart guy and understands things a lot of people are too intellectually or emotionally soft to realize.  

New cars

Every time I see the interior of a new car with a sparse interior, a digital display and an iPad like screen in center stack I think what a rolling piece of shit. The synthetic interiors. Spartan interiors.  The lack of physical controls.  A small displacement turbo engine, hybrid or EV. These are rolling pieces of garbage manufactured for the EPA and other government regulators in an effort to track and surveil the population.  Connected to 5g data centers providing a stream of information that will be used to real time track your location, carbon footprint, compliance with speed limits and driving laws, your fitness for driving, where you go, times of travel/risk profile, who you associate, etc. All this information will be distributed in an effort to control you, fine you and tax you.  

I should be

 I should be thankful for Hollywood. Without movies there wouldn’t be film music.  Disclosure Day is coming out soon. It marks the 30th film collaboration between Steven Spielberg and John Williams. They’ve worked together more than 50 years. 

I’m thankful for their work because they synergize each other’s work. 

Disclosure Day may be the last John Williams score.  Saw a video of him conducting the orchestra during recording sessions. John Williams was in a wheelchair. My heart sank. Still hanging on but the prognosis doesn’t look like many years are left.  

What gets me is the publicity machines spin up for Hollywood. Hollywood is their own publicity machine. There are all these videos and interviews of the actors and actresses with Spielberg circulating of them celebrating the release of the movie. 

What a bunch of inflated blowhards. The smiles, the flash photography. The red carpet premiers.  The big dick suck for how great all of it is.  The smiles.  The runways. It’s all bullshit. 

With Toy Story 5 they’re still rolling out tom hanks and Tim Allen like they’re in the prime. The egos of these ass clowns is repulsive.  It’s obvious they’re always the smartest ones in every room they’re in.  Have you seen joan cusack?  Ugly plastic.

The publicity machine turns me off completely. If anything it has the complete opposite effect on me than it does for the rest of the population.  It repulses me. It makes me despise them, their movies and their entire industry.  They’re arrogant. Conceited. Inflated. Blow hards. Shut the fuck up. Stop playing make believe on film.  

I hate movie stars, celebrities, people making their living in front of or behind a camera.  I hate popular culture. 

One of my buddies has tom hanks at the top of his list for people he’d like to have dinner with. His love for and my disgust for the same thing stresses our friendship.  I don’t understand what tom hanks contributes to the world?  The fact he can fool you into believing what he’s doing is real?  His storytelling ability?  His ability to make bullshit believable?

Read a book instead. It’s better for you. Better for your mind, your spirituality and your understanding and interpretation of the story being told or documented.  The Hollywood shit is all fake. 

Tales from the park side

 Visiting with my dad yesterday. We were doing a FaceTime.  His medication was off and he seemed tired.  Mentioned he wasn’t sleeping well and he can’t shut his mind off.   I informed him he has medication to assist such as melatonin and some valium derivative. 

Anyway, we had a brief conversation about my employment situation and was explaining an opportunity that may come together.  As I was talking to him drool came out of his mouth. Twice.  He didn’t even notice.   Then I asked him what he thought. He said ‘I don’t know. I’m not following what you’re saying.’  He's looking at me as the conversation passes by.  With Parkinon's masking it's hard to know if a face void of emotion is checked out or just a neuro muscular symptom that comes with the brain unable to initiate and control muscle movement.

He mentioned his physical therapy is going well his therapist says his balance in improving   I inquired about speech therapy.  She only comes once a week.  I understand they help you with exercises to do during the week.  Yeah.  Do you do them? No.  Okay - do you want to pause the speech therapy until your medication situation is stabilized?  No.  Are you maximizing the benefit if you’re not practicing between sessions?  No.  Okay?

My Dad is a prideful man and I’m sure the decline is harder on him than it is on him than it is on me.  Cognitive testing is going to scheduled.  Will the information be gleaned be useful in or merely serve as confirmation? 

The last cognitive test he underwent was hard emotionally on him. That’s when his relationships went off the rails with the starwood staff. He was raging in frustration and anger.  I don’t see how putting him through a 2-4 hour cognitive assessment is going to be beneficial. If anything it will be blow to his confidence in his abilities and confirmation there are cognitive gaps and he is on the decline. 

Our family moved  to Texas in 1975. My parents didn’t have to walk the aging journey with their parents.  My Aunt and Uncle took care of my maternal grand parents.  My paternal grandfather died in 1979 from cancer.  My paternal grandmother died in Austin from esophageal.  My dad moved her to Austin while Laurie and I were dating.  She died when we got back from our honeymoon.  I don't remember how long she was living her.  My sister walks my dads aging journey third person through me.  She is tremendous support. And it's not the same as dealing first hand with the challenges of seeing a parent on the skids.

 A once capable man being overcome by advancing Parkinson’s.  It's eroding his quality of life.  When we got on facetime, the first thing that struck me is he is losing more weight and his face is looking more skeletal and thinned out - losing tone and 'fleshiness.'  

Am I stuck in employment purgatory until his time on earth ends?  Is this the universe knowing something I don't?  Divine intervention?