Entering a giant warehouse stuffed with merchandise. Behold! The innovation featured front and center as I walked through the double doors. Revolutionary technology in the outdoor cooking space. A grill with a solid metal plate heating surface. What’s a grill without a grated heating surface? A rectangular frying pan with a lid for outdoor use only.
Why am I standing in Home Depot laughing at a frying pan pretending to be a grill while wondering what nerd is going to pay $1,499 for it?
Modern grilling comes with a premium price because innovation has finally made it to the backyard pastime. Let us not discount the unit on display showcasing state-of-the-art engineering and technical know-how to design what is essentially a cast metal plate with a Bluetooth timer.
Forget the complexity of a bygone era with traditionally manufactured grids made from precision cut rods.
Only after a bean counter looks at the design demanding change to insure cheap cost and maximum profit. How thin the rods can be before they become flimsy and need replacement. Determining the maximum space between rods before a premium, organic all-beef hotdog falls through the grate the grate. While simultaneously requiring the cheap, skinny wieners filled with polymers, artificial flavorings, anuses and hooves to be placed horizontally on the grate. Scientifically measuring and determining the limits of a naturally occurring scientific process known as protein denaturation coagulation process. Using that knowledge to make cheap junk and boost profit.
Modern grilling comes with a premium price because innovation has finally made it to the backyard pastime. Let us not discount the unit on display showcasing state-of-the-art engineering and technical know-how to design what is essentially a cast metal plate with a Bluetooth timer.
My frying pan stopped working and now I need the outdoor version to amaze my friends and make them jealous.
Why does a new refrigerator connect to the internet and show recipes that I have in my cookbook? At the same it has a motion detector to play Andrea Bocelli while I make linguine in the kitchen. If I open the door twice it plays Ave Maria. Three times and it orders groceries. Four times and it sends my wife a text message informing her I'm eating leftover cheesecake at 11:37 PM while she’s on vacation. We're one software update away from me filing for divorce from my refrigerator on moral grounds.
Why have incandescent lightbulbs gone LED?
Why did they put a tablet in a car after removing the radio and hvac controls and burying the controls in layers of menus you gotta navigate while you’re watching TV and driving the car down a Texas toll road at 90mph? If you’re fancy, the car drives itself and picks the jam.
And here I am in Home Depot wondering how making a hamburger for dinner got so complicated?
We've become so technologically advanced that my Pappy cooked better burgers with a lighter, forty-seven cents worth of charcoal and a lawn chair from K-Mart than I can with my Bluetooth enabled outdoor cooking ecosystem and an app on my phone.
No comments:
Post a Comment