They say you're either living or dying. It feels like I'm teetering towards dying. There isn't anything that gets my juices flowing. There's little generating interest. Nothing exciting. Nothing to look forward to.
What I see ahead are years of consistent, steady decline. Nothing will get better. Health will continue declining. Hearing aids. Walkers. Weight gain. Cognitive decline. Loneliness.
All while living in a country in decline. Working not appealing - following someone's policy and procedure for a meager income. Immigrants aren't improving anything. At least the ones I see. If anything they're level setting. Making our country less than what it was while it's an upgrade for them. If anything it's becoming a broader scale of homogenized mediocrity that is on par with the rest of the world. How exciting.
Is there really any goal to accomplish? One child out the door, the other not far behind. Work for what? To have money in retirement? While I get old?
I think about this being the start of a slow slide to dying. And nothing about it looks appealing or even pleasant.
American white male life expectancy is 76 years old. That's 21 years away. I don't think I'm interested in living past 60 and definitely not past 65.
Goals? There are no goals.
Loneliness. Emptiness. Depression. Death. Just find something to make the rest of my time on earth tolerable. It’s easy to understand why old white men are turning to alcohol and drugs. Used up, torn up and have served their useful purpose of providing for everyone else while living a life of sacrifice. Just throw us in the trash. Bury us. Make it go away and make this existence come to an end.
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