Father. Took to neurology appointment. Was informed there is a durable medical equipment form of treatment for advance stage parkinsons. A "port" is surgically implanted into the patient where "gold standard" medication can be delivered via battery powered pump directly to duodenum where medication is absorbed into blood stream at small intestine. Pump allows for precise micro-dosing of medication to eliminate delayed absorption through medications being delivered in capsule form. Think of it as a micro-infusion. Device is worn for up to 16 hours a day. Father was enthused about this next level treatment. If you ask me, this is the treatment of last resort. He believes this is the golden ticket that will fix his parkinsons symptoms. I think it will better manage the disease and at the same time don't want him to be disappointed if reality of disease is not optimally controlled through use of technology. Moderation of expectation.
There is concern with port installation and maintenance as understand this is to be done either by the patient or a medical provider. The facility won't touch the port with a 10 foot pole. Looking for alternatives. Asked him if he would be willing to do it himself. He's not sure. We have a problem as facility said this is something more in line with skilled nursing. I am unable to commit long term to being his medical technician to deal with flushing the port, connecting device in the morning and disconnecting in the evening. I'm not sure I want to do this either. Have mixed feelings on proceeding with this course of treatment. What happens when this stops working?
Device is said to improve quality of life.
In the meantime, he is researching how his needs for treatment can be met. Facility has not been helpful resource. Surely he's not the only resident they've come across desiring this form of treatment for disease management.
While on the phone today, he expressed frustration and loneliness during the holidays. Suggested we go to a camp in bastrop for a couple days to ride horses and explore hiking trails. He desires entire family to be together. How is this going to work? He is no where near able bodied enough to hike or mount/dismount a horse or sit around a campfire and sing kumbya.
I understand he's lonely. I feel like he's playing "poor me" and making this a "we" problem instead of a "he" problem. I dislike the way I feel in response to both situations above.
We attended his Thanksgiving party. His Christmas Party. I took him to the dr. I took him to buy new shoes. My sister and I were on the phone with him for an hour yesterday discussing the pump.
He's difficult to be around. It's like he wants us near but doesn't want to interact and leaves carrying conversation to others. If he does want to talk about something, it's about his church or where Z and I are with our job searches. I tell him when something happens he will be among the first to know. In the meantime, sit in silence or watch him try feverishly to operate a computer that he no longer has the coordination or muscle control to do.
Walter. Has been unable to sell his car and is frustrated. Owes way more money than it's worth. It is now overheating and the check engine light is on. Wanted to buy a decommissioned Dodge Charger police car. Unable to afford the insurance. Walt left a message wanting me to "go online" and see what kind of car is available in his price range of $7,000.00. Anything that is at the 7k price point is likely 15-20 years old and more than likely a piece of garbage. However, there are some reasonable options. I sent him 3 links with options from Craigslist that would be worth investigating as potential acquisitions - one less, one on point, one slightly more. He calls me and we discuss option 3. I told him to call the dealer and go drive it if he's interested. He calls me back and said he called the seller dealer and wants me to go with him for a test drive.
He is 7 years older than me. He keeps telling me how stupid he is and he doesn't know how to use a computer. He sent me two pictures from a medical waiting room. One of an infant using an ipad and one of an elderly woman using an ipad. He comments that he's the missing link. No - he's the land of misfit toys. If you ask me it is a convenient excuse for being lazy. Maybe he can't read? Charlatan.
Me. My thinking surrounding both persons simultaneously in my orbit makes me a Trumpian transactional asshole. I feel like I've got two boat anchors around my waist. Be of service to others. Be kind. Show compassion. My heart and brain are deformed. Dented. Morally defective. Bankrupt. Power through these situations just to put them both behind me while bitterly putting forth a half-assed effort?
Ugly, boring and ordinary. Adjectives I frequently use to describe other people. Perhaps more aptly fit to describe myself.
Relationships are complicated. Difficult. Messy.
Dear God - Please come into my heart and help me be more like you; to gladly and happily live a life of service to others. I fall short of your glory. Create in me a new heart. In your name, Amen.
Side note - AmericaFest in phoenix is a disaster with infighting in what is called the maga movement. Tucker Carlson and Ben Shapiro are attacking one another. Ben Shapiro isn't maga. Shapiro is an unapologetic radical Israeli sympathizer pretending to be maga. And Tucker? He talks to hear his own voice. Shapiro should take his kippa and shove it up his ass.
Side note 2 - Tired of answering online questions and typing the same old shit to tell my story and experience. All of it is in my resume that was uploaded as part of the application process. If you're too lazy to read the resume, I'm too lazy to type it all out again and again. Do us both a favor. Read the resume. If you want further discussion, please call to schedule an interview. Talent acquisition people are lazy.
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