It's been a week

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 It's been a week since Mom left our world and crossed over to the other side.  This week has been one of the most disappointing and one that will go down as being exceptional in my life.

The hospice we selected turned out to be a complete disappointment.  I don't know if they were too small, incompetent or incapable of providing quality to care to my mom and our family.  Things went sideways in a hurry when was conflict between the nursing home and the hospice nurse and took a further nose diver when I had had to play peacemaker between the two organizations.  The chaplain was useless.  The social worker did absolutely nothing.  The only real care my mom got from hospice as she died was daily visits from the nurse, 3 baths, a hospital bed, an oxygen concentrator that was broken and morphine to numb the pain that comes as the body expires.

I feel forgotten by the hospice agency.  Discarded.  Maybe my expectations were too high.  My family didn't matter to them.  We were just a paycheck.  What started out as a nice drive ended with the car going over the cliff and my family being left for dead.  While I was originally quite saddened by the situation we found ourselves in, I see their failures as one of the biggest blessings of my life.

The hospice failures give me the amazing opportunity to care for and love my Mom, my Dad and my sister in a way that I can.  It turns out, this is one of the greatest privileges in my life.  To advocate for mom's well being.  To be a rock for my Dad.  To carry my Dad through hurt and pain as an adult like he did for me as a child.  To coordinate the arrangements for cremation.  To work with my sister to create a service to honor and celebrate my Mom.  To spend time with my Dad.  To restore life-long friendships.  To do work (it's not work.  It's a a true honor to do get to do work (It's not work - it's love) that my Dad is unable to do.  To make this time be the best it can be for all involved despite the loss we feel on Earth.  To put together a celebration to honor my Mom, care for my Dad and my sister is the privilege of a lifetime.

The week has been invigorating and at times a struggle.  And, I wouldn't trade being able to serve my Mom in this way for anything in the world.  It means the world to me to take care of her the way she took care of me - wrapped in love.  A love that is imperfectly perfect.  

What is the biggest blessing in all of this is it has brought me, my sister, our Mom and our Dad closer together.   My family is being healed through loss.  I hope the feeling is shared and felt by my sister, my Dad Earth and my Mom in Heaven.

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