Parenting Aging Parents

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 There's a group for people like me who are in the sandwich generation.  Taking care of aging parents and taking care of our kids.  We're taking it from both sides.  Any this is a support group for people to vent, share experiences and also a group of resources to navigate the complexities of taking care of aging family members.  Elderly family members.  Old people.  Who are no longer capable of caring for themselves.

Some of the posts in the group a very emotional and occasional cause an emotional response from me.  They're parent unable to use their computer or telephone because of the arthritis in their hands and the macular degeneration in their eyes.  The people with dementia lamenting the loss of their parent they knew and loved their entire lives and being unable to comprehend they are becoming.  Unable to move, unable to speak.  Unable to eat.  Unable to recognize you.  Or the parent that has dementia and still goes out and drives their car... then they get all concerned when they're lost. 

A number of years we were celebrating my youngest's birthday with his cousin at the local Chuck E Cheese type place.  My Father called me and had no idea where he was and couldn't figure out how to get his phone to tell him where to go.  That day was a mess.  It's times like that I realized my parents were on the decline.

I read stories about parents becoming belligerent to their children for no reason other than their mind is shot or they're angry about the limitations in how they are able to live their lives.  Or the jealousy that they child can come and go and drive when the parent no longer has those same freedoms.

As I read some of these cries for understanding, some of my peers fail to understand the aging process and lament the situation all are part of.  Some of these posts are sad, some of them heart wrenching.  And the only way I know how to get through it is to not acknowledge the struggles others face as I deal with the struggles I face.  

The problem with modern medicine is a body can outlast the mind or the mind can outlast the body with modern drugs with little to no care as to the quality of life the elderly person is able to realize.  

What I realize most about reading the entries on the parenting aging parent Facebook page is familial relationships are complicated.  And they're messy.  And there's so much guilt felt by caregivers.  So many family problems where one person in the family is doing all the work to take care of their aging parents.  So much frustration.  So much resentment.  

I don't know.  

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