A movie with George Clooney about a guy that fires people for a living. A new hire with the firm he works with decides it is better to start firing people via Teams (video call). Quite a poignant film at this stage of my life. Having essentially been threatened via Teams call to leave previous employer or face the challenge of having to competitively interview to keep your job for the privilege to do the work of 4 other people. That's the world we live in now. If I was unsuccessful in landing the job I had with nearly 20 years with the company and couldn't find another job within the company I would have been fired due to job being eliminated. Instead of getting myself into a position I didn't see any way to be successful I took an opt out package. Technically the company has never laid anyone off. Instead, they motivate you to leave. It worked for me. I'm a sucker. I should have been an asshole and dared them to fire me. Bygones.
Perhaps in hindsight I should have stayed and forced their hand. However, I thought it would be a great time to go do what I always wanted to do - which was work in auto repair. I wanted to start my own business. Pursued multiple avenues to break into opening an auto repair shop. And you know what? I didn't have the stomach to bankroll a company until it became profitable.... with no guarantee as to when or if it would turn a profit. Sure there's the "support" of a franchiser. After much consideration, I decided the franchise model basically uses the capital of the franchisee to fund their expansion. Then I thought I would go it alone and start my own business and hire people to work for me. That freaked me out because I felt like I would be naked and afraid. Totally exposing myself and my family to financial ruin if the business did not take off. Could not put the financial security of my family into something that had no guarantee of being successful. I didn't want to end up a statistic of entrepreneurial ventures that failed. Statistically more businesses fail than succeed. I had 400,000+ dollars to "invest" and I chickened out. That sum of money would basically open the doors with nothing left to cover operational cost until profitability reached.
Then I thought I would become a service advisor. Getting hired without automotive repair shop experience proved to be a dead end road with many applications submitted and nothing to show for it.
There is a scene from the movie with JK SImmons of "whiplash" fame:
The way George Clooney framed the termination is how I framed my departure in my mind. What I really got was the reality of JK Simmons initial reaction. Bamboozled myself. Loser.
Getting a new job has been a slog. Having been out of a job for 5 months, I took the ONLY job I was offered. The reinvention has not gone according to plan. Will the plan get back on track?
A dear friend suggests I go work at Costco. Voted the *best* place to work by Glassdoor. Will be reaching out to my only acquaintance to inquire about a referral.
Another friend suggests I stop this fantasy of reinventing myself. I've been in aviation for two decades. I know the business inside and out. My friend thinks I should just suck it up, apply for a legacy carrier and take whatever job I am offered. To get my life back on track.
I don't want to play airplane anymore. I spent 20 years of my life doing it. Do you know how many family events I've missed being a company man for a company (any company) over the last 20 years. I've missed my kids weekend birthday parties. We've alternatively celebrated holidays due to work "obligations" instead of doing it on the designated day like the rest of the world. Maybe it's a pipe dream. The damage is done. 16 years getting up at 0230 to be at the airport by 0400. The same number of years going to bed at 2000 but often not getting to sleep until 2200. Essentially 4 hours of sleep a night for a decade and a half. Who does that?
I guess I played the roll of dad. I used my paycheck to give my wife and kids opportunity that I wasn't able to participate in. Rather they got the supposed benefit of me being at work.
One thing I've noticed as I've aged and dealing with my parents reaching their expiration date on earth. Typically women age gracefully. And when I see old men. They're old and torn up. They can barely walk or talk. They're in slow motion. Having given the best of themselves to their jobs so their family can have it good. I guess that means success? Unsure as to what success really is.
I feel like I'm getting old and torn up. Some days I feel like I'm in slow motion. Testosterone is GONE. Weight gain is ON. Who is going to see value in or hire a level headed 55 year old with vast experience, maturity and wisdom? Based on my average of applications - 5% chance of interview, 1% chance of being hired. Discouraging.
Tomorrow - applications for banks and visit to costco. Must persevere. There's gotta be something better out there than what I've got. Is the grass greener on the other side of the fence? Keep the faith.
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