I am out of work for a week. What's one thing I notice? I am starting to unwind and I'm experiencing life differently than I have. Finally starting to relax; realizing I've gone through a significant portion of time skimming over everything. Half listening, half engaged, missing out on half of everything I'm exposed. I can listen and engage fully. Not being distracted by all the "stuff" that came with the job. The constant engagement with email and the operation. Worrying about performance. This report. That report. What happened this day that caused a miss. Did the flight depart? It's all gone. I can think. I can enjoy the silence without worrying.
It's REFRESHING!
A few people who left the blueniverse later commented to me they needed to decompress for a bit before making their next move. I understand decompress more now than ever before. More like unwind. To let light in where it's been dark for so long. Tense as a board for so long and finally feeling my back and neck starting to release the tension.
It's different than a vacation. You can never really put down a job like the one I had. I used to call being a GM a lifestyle. It's not a lifestyle; it's having a job that takes over your life. Or maybe it's a symptom of not setting boundaries. Or the pressure "the company" puts on it's people. Maybe it's the people attracted to the industry or leadership positions. I don't know and I don't really care.
Briefly exchanged messages with a friend a few days ago. He asked, "so... how is it?" The only answer I could give was "it's a mixed bag." It's hanging up a career and company I have known for 20 years. Leaving comes with a sense of loss and at the same time a sense of relief. He shared with me "it's one of the best decisions that ever happened in my life, but it didn't come easily."
The future hasn't come into total focus yet. In the short time I learned I have options, I've turned over a lot of rocks and learned a lot, too. While there's no need to hurry into the next chapter of life, there is opportunity to be fully engaged and to be thoughtful with how I move forward and do due diligence with every opportunity that comes my way.
When I put my name in the hat for my former position, it was an experience unlike any other. It felt like it didn't matter what I wanted. "The machine" decided what it wanted - waves were being made and all I could do was hang on to the board and ride the wave. Being a GM, I never really got off the wave. I was constantly hanging on for dear life, waiting to crash. I did not enjoy the last 2 years. It was a strategic position to put on my resume. Thankful the exit opportunity came with a runway (severance) to do something else and I didn't destroy my reputation in the process.
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