Funeral

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My sisters husband passed away. The viewing and funeral are this coming Monday. Me and my wife are going to represent our side of the family.

This is going to be awkward to say the least. From our perspective when my sister married she married out of our family and married into his family. The only time my parents saw them was on the day or two before Thanksgiving when they would drive from the north part of the state to the coast on the way to his parents house. They never came to visit just our parents and I don't think my parents were ever invited to their house. I also think we may have been very judgmental of his career choice.

Before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I would ride the manic high as long as I could as hard as I could. I damaged my relationship with him and his parents. As I explained to my dad I would crash through brick walls with my hair on fire and would fire off an email without whatever fleeting thought I had to whomever I wanted. I wrote them a letter when I was in character for my day in the life of Jesus blog and was pretty disrespectful and making a mockery out of organized religion…. I was an asshole and took a flame thrower to those relationships doing damage that I don't know if it can be undone or forgiven.

We didn't talk for at least a decade. That changed when my parents were struggling, trying to figure out what to do. When I sold their house and moved them into assisted living. Our relationship has improved exponentially. And also improved after the accident.

There is a family dinner on Sunday and I'm absolutely dreading going to it and my sister wants us to attend. I will come face to face with the people I was deliberately mean to. Navigating this will be difficult.

I’ll just sit in a corner or the kiddie table and try to be invisible. 

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