The road to hell

Is paved with the best intentions. My sister's husband has been in and out of hospitals, rehab facilities, intensive care units and in and out of home like a yoyo.

My sister told me they have well over a million dollars in medical bills that have come their way. They've renovated their house and had a go fund me account set up to help their situation.

The driver that caused the accident had no insurance and no assets to sue for. My sister and her family are left with the bill.

One thing they need to do is work with an attorney to protect their assets and get her husband on Medicaid and disability.

I prescreened an attorney and found someone that could help their situation. She had an initial call and was given some work to do to get the ball rolling. My sister dragged her feet on making an appointment. She got an appointment for last Tuesday and cancelled it. Rescheduled her t for tomorrow. She hadn't done any of the work tasks.

I don't know what my sister has been doing. I know she's having a hard time. From the outside looking in she isn't making the best use of time she has available and spends a lot of time with her husband as he's going in and out of various facilities and doctors etc. being admitted into the hospital for the umteenth time.

She's not taking care of these legal proceedings to get relief or to protect her assets from bill collectors and unlock funds/.benefits available to those who are disabled and unable to care for themselves. She can't provide the care he needs and she hasn't been working since the accident in September 2023.

My fear is she's going to get pulled under financially and won't be able to recover and will be ruined. My dad shares the same fear. Friends who know about these situations share the same concern.

The situation boiled over today when she said she hasn't got the paperwork completed and won't be able to do it because her husband is being admitted to the hospital again with low blood pressure and slurred speech.

My dad sent her a message that was pretty rough. An OMG message like I can't believe he said what he said. My sister sent a message that she completed the work and her friend will be on the call with the attorney.

I sent her a message asking how she was doing. She called me and told me to go fuck myself and hung up the phone.

They say everyone makes the best decisions they can with the best information they have at the time a decision is made. And it's not my place or my dad's place to tell her how to live her life. It's a bad situation and I don't know how she's getting through the days. They're long and painful. At the same time do we know have a responsibility as family to help her through this situation so she can get any assistance she's eligible for as soon as possible? Do we standby and watch her situation go from bad to worse while she's not taking legal action to get help for her husband, herself and her daughter?

I've been through to immediate family members on their death bed. My wife when she got pneumonia that turned into a staff infection and she was in a medically induced coma for two weeks. My Dad when he was dehydrated and malnourished while being burned out on Parkinson's medication that was finally being administered as prescribed after being taken Willy Nillie as he felt like it.

I didn't stay by their bedsides while they were in the hospital. I would make it a point to meet with the dr or talk to them when needed. I didn't stay for medical procedures. I wasn't there as they were moved around. I went home and loved my kids and took care of their needs with help from my in laws. I visited every day and talked to my wife. I went back to work when she was out of the coma.

I wasn't in the hospital while my dad as basically unconscious being hydrated artificially and fed through a tube. I was figuring out what to do with their house and how to find a place to take care of my dad before he died and figuring out what to do with my mom if my dad died. I was meeting with social workers and assisted care facility administrators.

I trusted the medical teams to take care of my wife and my dad. I had to take care of the rest of our lives.

I wonder if my sister is taking care of her and her daughter's lives or she is she all in taking care of her husband and neglecting everything else?

Should I care? Is it my problem? Should I let her make her own decisions and let the cards fall wherever the fall and let her deal with figuring it out?

Ultimately it's not my problem. It's her problem. I want to see her come through this situation without going bankrupt. I want to make sure she has a job to earn money to provide for her and her daughter's future. The daughter is going to college next fall. Who's gonna pay for that? It's tremendously costly - especially when they go to school hours away from home. Her husband is never going to get better and he won't be able to work. He resigned from his job. He's now been diagnosed with vascular dementia on top of all his other problems. Will he be able to live at home? Will my sister be able to take care of him? Will they be able to pay someone to help? Will Medicaid or the government supplement?

I don't know how I would spend my life in a similiar situation. I don't know what it's like to have your special persons life ruined by someone else which also ruined her life. Maybe caring for him is her life's calling. Who's gonna take care of her? What happens when he dies? Are they going to keep bringing him back and kicking the tin can down the road with little consideration as to the quality of life? Just preserving life? At all costs?

After tonight's exchange over the phone I don't know what to do. She's furious. I get that. Maybe it was never my place to support her or help her in a way I know how. Maybe my dad crossed the line.

All I know is they keep asking for prayers. And from my perspective they aren't working and the situation is getting worse instead of better.