Open or Closed Book

10 years ago my wife was deathly ill.  She and my youngest had traveled to Florida. My youngest got sick and was in the hospital during the trip.  My wife was having breathing problems shortly after her return.  It was so bad we took her to the emergency room.  Her oxygen levels were all screwed up and she seemed stable.  After spending the day with her in the hospital I decided to leave to make sure the kids at least got dinner.  While we were eating I got a call that my wife's oxygen levels dropped significantly and they had intubated her and she was now in a medically induced coma.  I couldn't believe what transpired in such a short amount of time.

My wife ended up on life support for approximately two weeks.  While she was on life support is was determined that she originally had a respiratory infection that turned into pneumonia and then turned into a staph infection in her lungs.  The doctors were monitoring her condition through blood chemistry alone.  It was a very scary time.  

At one time there were were 8 different bags of medication and saline solution being pumped into her to try and saver her life.  While this was going on I was active on Facebook and was giving regular updates to family and friends as to my wife's condition and what the doctors were doing to improve her situation.  I would write about my thoughts, fears, hopes, trying to hold my family together.  Protecting my kids.  Staying strong.  Supporting my wife and trying to make it day by day.  The support I received from my Facebook network was overwhelming.  We had people praying all over the world for her.  I had strong support network.  My employer allowed me to care for my family while this was happening.  

Obviously my wife pulled out of it and she is healthy after years of respiratory problems caused by that illness.

About 45 days ago my brother in law was in a head on collision and had significant injuries and is still in ICU with a trache.  Getting updates from that side of the family is like pulling teeth and every update is carefully measured without divulging too much information or how bad a situation my BIL is in.  Apparently he's in pretty bad situation because he's continued being in ICU after 45 days.

What I find interesting is the difference in approaches between my sister and myself.  She keeps all her cards close to the vest and doesn't willingly share information.  When my wife was ill, I was an open book and my updates were heartfelt and emotionally raw.  My sister on the other hand is very guarded with what who she lets in and what she shares.

I don't know which way is right or better or anything else.  All I know is I appreciated the support I got by sharing what was going on.  I feel like my sister is fighting this battle alone because she won't let people in  or let people know how dire the situation is.  It's interesting in that we grew up the same but have chosen different ways of dealing with the fear and struggle of having a spouse with life threatening injuries or illness.  I wish she would open up and let those who care about her and her husband share the burden of dealing with the situation.  In some situations it takes a village.  A village that comes together to love, support and pray.  I wish she was able to be vulnerable in that way to ease her fears and struggles.  What makes me an open book and her a closed book?  I don't see anything positive that comes from being a closed book.  People want information.  They want to support.  They want to pray.  The want to help carry you through the struggle and the pain.  You can't go through this stuff alone...  well maybe you can.  But it sure is easier when the burden is shouldered by others instead of carrying it alone.