I went to church for the first time since I was hired at my former employer. That means going to church for the first time in about 20 years. Two decades. My response to being back in that familiar place was not what I expected. The entire facility had been remodeled and refreshed. The seats were changed from red to blue. The worship service was a tremendous production. With 5 cameras in the sanctuary. Two regular photographers. The sound was awesome, the band played songs that were unfamiliar to me.
It was baby dedication Sunday. We had Z dedicated when he was just a tot. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We never had J dedicated; he was born 5 years after I started at the blue. That is a regret.
They say the patriarch of the house sets the spiritual tone for the family. I find that to be true as my wife never took the kids to church by herself. Man - 20 year absent from church. Thinking about my choice weighs heavily on my heart. I loved church and had tremendous respect for our pastor. Each week I would be rejuvenated spending time worshiping, singing, enjoying fellowship and engaging with the message our pastor preached. The songs were the best! Giving thanks and praise. Such productive and meaningful chapter of my life.
I am ashamed of the choice I made and how long it's been since attending. When I left my job, I eased into worship by watching online. Given the week we've been through with multiple killings in the news I thought it was the right time to attend in person.
I was not prepared for the emotion being back at church. The singing of anthems and more introspective songs of worship and praise. Being with fellow believers. Moments of tears. Moments of joy. Goosebumps. A lump in my throat taking it all in. Watching parents dedicate their children to ourLord. Seeing the hope and joy in their eyes as the pastors prayed over the kids. I remember having Z dedicated like it was yesterday. So terribly sad I dropped out before we could give the same gift to J.
Pastor Rob spent a few moments commenting on the terrible week our nation has experienced. Now more than ever, we need Jesus. We as believers need to be the light shining in a world of darkness. The message was good and life giving as always. I was so glad I went to church also lamenting my withdraw from my relationship with God.
Companies and bosses don't care about giving their employees opportunity go to church. Everyone jockies for their schedule by seniority and lowest man on the totem pole gets the shaft. At the time the airline was a 20 hour/day operation. Sometimes more. I always chose to work Sun-Thur with Friday and Saturday off. I never liked dealing with cranky customers at the end of their work week and the off kilter feeling of Saturdays. Saturdays in airports are the strangest days of all. Traffic is usually lighter and it is a different kind of customer (aka amateur) compared to the work week professional traveler. I worked the 0400 shift because I didn't want to deal with BS of the PM. An airline feels like two different companies. The AM sets the operation up for success with fewer chances of delays or operational irregularities. The PM is a shitshow with weather, ground delays, increase in mechanical breakdowns, etc. I hated the PM.
Anyway, I'm disappointed in exchanging my relationship with God for a better work schedule that really wasn't that great. Life is full of choices and compromises. I took my relationship with. God for granted. I'd say leaving the church was a bad choice. A convenient choice. An unfortunate choice.
While I am between jobs, I recommit to following Jesus and growing my relationship with the lord almighty. At church we say a prayer asking Jesus to be our lord and savior. Asking him to come into our hearts and taking our sins as far away as the east is to the west. And committing our lives to him. While in church I prayed it from memory. This evening, I can't string it together quite right.
With all the evil and craziness going on in the world, stability and a relationship with something positive that is larger than yourself is needed now more than ever I want to be light in a world of darkness I want to be a witness to my faith I want to walk in a relationship with God. A multiplier of good in the world
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