Grounded

 For the first time in a long, long time I feel grounded.  At peace.  Comfortable.  Calm.  I feel like I've got momentum on my side.  What makes today different than any other day?

I told my boss I was taking advantage of the opt out package being offered at work.  Leaving a career I've known for 20 years and going to do what I want to do.  In the past I've written about how this job was a mistake. An error.  A miscalculation.  I didn't feel good about taking the job and I don't feel successful in the role.  The wins are few and far between.  After 20 years, it's time to get a new set of worries, concerns, priorities and challenges. Time for a new direction.  My boss told me my performance has been great.  I said that's a shame because I don't feel that way at all.  And I posed the question as to why we see the same performance completely opposite of one another.  There was no answer for that.  I still don't understand the difference in perception and probably never will.  It will be interesting to see how I feel after some time away from the role and the company.  My boss asked me what I was going to do.

I told her my story.  The true and honest story.  I told her I always wanted to be a mechanic and I am nearly 55 years old.  When I was in high school, it was expected that everyone goes to college.  Everyone gets a degree and goes on to a white collar career.  I never wanted to go to college.  I applied to one school... and dammit - they took me.  I spent a long three and a half years in college with nothing to show for it but college debt - that I paid off.  I changed majors too many times and didn't have enough credits in any area of study to earn a degree.  While my body can no longer take the abuse of being a mechanic, I want to take three years to learn the business of auto repair and open my own shop.  And work it for at least 10 years and sell it off or pass it down to one of my kids.  That's the goal and I'm very excited.  

A few days ago I was talking to a lifelong friend, recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, about the situation and he told me of a chapter in his life that lead him to work for the airlines.  He was an engineer at IBM.  When he was 47 years old, he took an opt out package and went to fulfill his dream of working for an airline.  He spent an additional 20 years with the airline and is now retired.  He said it was the best thing he ever did.  He encouraged me to work for the airlines probably 25 years ago and that, in part played a role with me being employed with JetBlue.  Now it's time for me to fulfill one of my goals - owning an auto repair shop.

I learned how to run a business while I was at JetBlue and I'm excited to take what I've learned and apply it to the next chapter in my life.  If anything, my time at JetBlue has prepared me for what's next!

During the talk with my boss, she asked why I am making this choice.  Now is the best time to make a change because if I don't I'll keep doing what I'm doing.  How many years to spend being miserable?  How many years doing the same thing and expecting something to be different?  It won't be different.  It will be another year down the drain.  This is the time!

The choice to leave has been on the table since June 23 when the company announced a change in leadership structure at the airports level.  Up until today, I wasn't sure about my decision.  There has been a lot of discussion with friends and family - to really give thoughtful consideration to the options in front of me.  Today, everything feels settled and locked in.  Definitive.  This is it!  Now I will do my job, prepare my resume and chart a course for the future.  I feel GREAT!

Now as I think about the last 2 years - I learned a lot.  I improved every team I was part of.  I developed my leaders and I am leaving each station improved from what I inherited.  It's been a tough slog.  I'll be happy to put this chapter behind me and look forward to what's next.  

Do you know what makes me happiest about the last two years?  Earning a bonus and blowing part of it on a stereo receiver.  That is what made the last 2 years worth it - being able buy something that gives me so much enjoyment that it makes the slog somehow worthwhile.  

Being back in the hometown also brought me home to be with my mom and care for her while she died - sending her off to fly with the angels in a way that only me, my Dad and my sister could have.

Now it's time to prepare to take off on a new adventure - after this plane lands.  I step off.  Waive to my friends, family and colleagues.  Take a bow and say "thank YOU!"  It's been a hell of a ride.