Amazing Regret
My wife and oldest son got to go and they reported that it was pretty neat. The music was performed by a live orchestra with video accommodation. It wasn't a movie, but a series of clips accompanying the music. Outside the performance hall there were props and costumes.
My family really didn't build it up much. I knew I missed out but maybe they had sympathy for my stupid decision and downplayed just how awesome the event was. If I would have known how amazing this event was, I would have been heartbroken. They probably knew that. I choose to believe they protected me by not letting me know what an exceptional event this could have been for me. Now, 15 years later, I am heartbroken.
I found out this is one of the biggest regrets in my life. About two weeks ago I saw a souvenir program on eBay from stars wars in concert and ordered it on a whim. Today, it arrived! It is a 12x15 full color homage to that concert event with plenty of breathtaking artwork and writing commemorating the event.
The seller did an amazing job caring for this piece while entrusted to him and did an exceptional job safely protecting the piece from damage during shipment. It was delivered to my door because it didn't fit in our box. It was in a large cardboard envelope ala FedEx and inside the FedEx envelope it was wrapped in a layer of cardboard. In the layer of cardboard was the program wrapped in a protective plastic envelope. The outermost envelope had a bend in it and I was displeased; documenting with pictures in case the program was damaged.
I carefully unsealed and opened it. Cut the tape holding the cardboard wrapping and slid the plastic protective envelope out. I carefully cut the seal of the plastic and slowly slid the piece out. The first thing I see is Darth Vader's helmet.
As I gently extracted the program from the sleeve, I got goosebumps seeing a perfectly preserved program from 2009. Examined for bends and creases and there were none!!!
I couldn’t believe what I was holding. I flipped through it, looking at the pictures and I got teary eyed, overcome with emotion. I immediately sent an email to the seller thanking him for preserving this item, packaging it well and letting him know of my regret not going to the concert and now being amazed at what I missed out on.
I continued admiring the artwork and reading bits and pieces of wordsmith contained within. Layer after layer of goosebumps came over me, eyes swelled with tears for in my hands I was holding the holy grail of concert memorabilia I never knew existed and could have attended but didn’t.
I don’t have many regrets in my life - but this is one of epic proportions. Hugely disappointed in myself to make my job more important than a once in a lifetime event. Disappointed I didn’t make an effort to get the time off and coward down to the easy way of just going to work with my nose to the grindstone. What was I thinking? Why was I such a corporate lackey. Disgusted.
It’s a good thing I didn’t know then what I know now about this once in a lifetime - but not my lifetime - event.
In 2009 I obviously wasn’t as invested in John Williams music and didn’t have the same relationship to his body of work as I do now. But still - Star Wars!
I couldn’t believe what I was holding. I flipped through it, looking at the pictures and I got teary eyed, overcome with emotion. I immediately sent an email to the seller thanking him for preserving this item, packaging it well and letting him know of my regret not going to the concert and now being amazed at what I missed out on.
I continued admiring the artwork and reading bits and pieces of wordsmith contained within. Layer after layer of goosebumps came over me, eyes swelled with tears for in my hands I was holding the holy grail of concert memorabilia I never knew existed and could have attended but didn’t.
I don’t have many regrets in my life - but this is one of epic proportions. Hugely disappointed in myself to make my job more important than a once in a lifetime event. Disappointed I didn’t make an effort to get the time off and coward down to the easy way of just going to work with my nose to the grindstone. What was I thinking? Why was I such a corporate lackey. Disgusted.
It’s a good thing I didn’t know then what I know now about this once in a lifetime - but not my lifetime - event.
In 2009 I obviously wasn’t as invested in John Williams music and didn’t have the same relationship to his body of work as I do now. But still - Star Wars!
The imperial march is the probably one of, if not the most famous piece of music John Williams wrote and that could be debated. To the core, I am not a Star Wars fan, I am a John Williams fan. I love Darth Vader’s march because the music and the character encapsulate the dark side of my personality and the evil to which I wish I was capable. The ruthlessness. No mercy. Sheer destruction and disregard for human life. While this is not who I am it is a component of my psyche.
As a kid I was majorly flawed. I had a big heart and cared deeply for others and the world around me. It was unhealthy. I hated seeing hurt and suffering in other living things. I didn’t like the emotion I felt when I had so much and others had so little. It made me extremely emotional and sad. I was sensitive as a child. Poverty bothered me a lot. What Darth Vader, John Williams and the imperial march did was give me a coping mechanism. A way to not let the evil, disappointment and suffering of the world bother me. If Darth Vader could kill Ben Kenobi and not be bothered, I could slay my own feelings with a lightsaber. To be victorious over the emotions I didn’t know how to deal with as an overly sensitive child. John Williams gave me strength I didn’t have.
I don’t quite know if that’s true. As an adult I can be callous and ruthless towards a lot of things. But one thing makes it better. Envisioning myself storming through a corridor dressed like Darth Vader, with cape intact, hearing the imperial march playing as I rage on.
I am eternally grateful to John Williams. Thank you for helping a fragile and cowardly little boy be strong.
As a kid I was majorly flawed. I had a big heart and cared deeply for others and the world around me. It was unhealthy. I hated seeing hurt and suffering in other living things. I didn’t like the emotion I felt when I had so much and others had so little. It made me extremely emotional and sad. I was sensitive as a child. Poverty bothered me a lot. What Darth Vader, John Williams and the imperial march did was give me a coping mechanism. A way to not let the evil, disappointment and suffering of the world bother me. If Darth Vader could kill Ben Kenobi and not be bothered, I could slay my own feelings with a lightsaber. To be victorious over the emotions I didn’t know how to deal with as an overly sensitive child. John Williams gave me strength I didn’t have.
I don’t quite know if that’s true. As an adult I can be callous and ruthless towards a lot of things. But one thing makes it better. Envisioning myself storming through a corridor dressed like Darth Vader, with cape intact, hearing the imperial march playing as I rage on.
I am eternally grateful to John Williams. Thank you for helping a fragile and cowardly little boy be strong.
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