Regret
The more mechanic videos I watch, I realize that's what I should have done for a career. Back in the day the redneck hicks and stupid people were the ones in Future Farmers of America and auto shop class. My generation was sold a bill of goods on this college thing. I didn't want to go. I didn't like. I didn't do well.
I'm fascinated by the amount of problem solving and thinking that goes into accurately diagnosing an automotive malfunction. I like the tools and the metal. The lubricant and hydraulic fluids. The coolant. The tools. The sockets. The ratchets. The wrenches. The pliers. The screw drivers. The diagnostic equipment. The lifts. I like taking this apart and fixing them. I like how parts fit together. I like how engines work and how someone figure out how time the components of an engine to make it work. Why wasn't it okay to like and indulge in this stuff in the late 80s?
The most accomplished feelings I've had are when I've fixed something that was broken.
I've realized that the higher up I go in an organization the less happiness I feel in my life. Now it's problem after problem. Metric after metric. It seems like every week they are finding something new to measure and something new to hold us accountable to. I don't understand how they constantly find new shit to measure. Every email greeted with an eye roll or the slamming of my laptop. It's exhausting.
I should have just stayed in Florida. Figured out a way to make my financial situation to work in this shitty economy that doesn't help those that help themselves. Rather gives to the poor in the name of equity and social justice. Go fuck yourself. At least I'd be happy nearly every time I stepped foot outside and looked up at the sky thanking God for the majesty and beauty of the sky. It was also so interesting. Sometimes eerie and unsettling as a hurricane approached. Sometimes absolutely breathtaking. Always interesting.
Being able to walk on the beach barefoot for free any time I wanted. When other people pay a ton of money to do the same thing. I got bored professionally. I should have realized how happy I was and been thankful. Idiot. In state passes and hotel discounts for world class vacation destinations. That was a win.
Why did I think being bored and easy work was a bad thing? I should have just STFU and been thankful for living life in the sweet spot.
I see myself as changed over the last year. I think differently about the problems I deal with at work. Did you know you can get 3-11 minutes of additional ground time if you operate in a gate closer to the arrival runway than the departure runway? Did you know the airport has changed traffic flow movement area to be West to East? My chances of getting a departure out on time operating on the West side give me an advantage setting the brake faster compared to waiting for the plane to taxi from one side of the airport to the other? Who cares. This is the rot that occupies my mind. I think about minutes a bag spends in the screening matrix and how far the bag must travel from the screen area to the make up carousel. I think about how I can give my crew members hours while reducing the number of unproductive hours in the schedule while also providing a buffer to absorb overtime.
It was so much happier to come out of the office, look in the sky and feel happy nearly every single day for a year.
Coming back to Austin was a mistake. I hated this city, the people and the airport when I left. I don't know why I thought it'd be better when I returned. The only thing I've done is taken a dysfunctional station and improved it. I've worked hard this year and fixed problems the station has had for nearly a decade. But who cares? It's not what you did it's what are you gonna do. And by the way - here's a new metric we can use to torment your life. I guess we need maximum productivity out of the expensive "data scientists" and "analysts." We keep adding to their ranks while pulling back on the front line.
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