Here we go

 I got a call last night that my mother fell again and was being transported to the hospital.  Got a text around 3am that everything was looking okay and she should be transported back to the nursing home.  I called my Dad this morning and my mom still had not returned.  Went to the hospital and my mom is still in the emergency room sleeping with some kind of brace around her neck.  Was told she had two or three fractured vertebrae in her neck and they were waiting for an MRI and waiting for an intermediate care room to open up to get her out of the emergency room.  My mom is bruised up a little.  While she was sleep, she would try to scratch her nose.  Her movements are no longer fluid.  She shakes like an old person now.  Not with Parkinson's but how old people sometimes shake.  I left her to let her sleep in peace.  I don't know what the situation is but she's aged 20 years in the last two months.

Went to visit her later in the afternoon and she had been moved to the intermediate care floor.  I spoke with the nurse.  The MRI was completed but report not submitted.  I saw her sleep and gently called her name.  She woke up and I asked her a few questions.  She knew who the president was and she new what city she was in.  She didn't know why she was in the hospital and I shared that information with her.  Then she looks at me and says 'you look familiar.  are you a relative of mine?'  Caught be by surprise and a surge of tears welled up.  I said of course mom, it's me K.'  I took her hand and held it.   Then she said she was glad I was there.  Then I told her Dad loves her and she said who? Jack?  I said yeah, dad.  (His name is Karl)  OK.  We visited for a few minutes and she started trying to move around.  I ended the conversation and left.

I got a call from the nurse asking for some medications she is on but not carried by the hospital pharmacy.  How is that possible?  Did some finagling and got the nursing home to release them to me.  Was in touch with my Dad and met him at the nursing home.  He was a mess and started crying and he kept looking into his phone.  I asked him what captures his attention and he was conversing with his therapist.  He looked at me and started crying again.  I sat down with him and put my hand on his shoulder.  He said he doesn't want his wife / my mom to go through what Craig went through the last 10 months and was balling.  I looked him square in the eye and said we won't let that happen.  We will make decisions once we get more information and we will make the most caring, compassionate and loving decision for what's best for mom.  Then I reminded him of the B mantra which is wait to worry.  He started crying some more.  We talked a little bit about the DNR in place and briefly about following it to the T.  I told him I didn't follow his when he was ill.  Strangely he thanked me for that.  I then told him whatever happens we will make the decisions together.  

Thankfully my house is close to their place and even closer to the hospital.  I looked at my dad and asked him if he wanted to go for a ride.  To where?  The hospital to see Mom.  He said no.  I think it would be good for you.  He dug in and said I don't want to go.  I sat with him for a few minutes and just like that he said let's go.  I signed him out and drove him to see his wife.  I got him into the hospital and pulled a chair up and woke my mom up so they could look at each other and briefly converse.  I took his hand and put it in hers.  I left the room to give the medications to the nursing staff.  I came back and my mom fell back asleep.  I woke my mom up again and she was conversing with both of us.  She knew who we were and was as kind and polite as ever.  I covered my mom in a blanket because she said she was cold.  I held my Mom's hand and my dad put his hand out.  We both held mom's hand.  It was a short visit and it was time to go.  We said good night.  Said goodbye to the nurse and we walked back to the car.  I told my Dad it wasn't as bad as he thought it was and he agreed.  So thankful my Mom was lucid and recognized both of us.

I've never seen my dad crack before.  I've never seen fear in his eyes.  I don't know how many days my mom has left.  She's aged dramatically in the last two months.  We'll see how it goes.  My Dad says he doesn't want her to continue suffering.  I don't want to see that either.  Life is going to get worse instead of better.  

I was talking to my friend who is burying his Dad tomorrow.  He told me he was doing okay and he had a very hard time telling his son that grandpa died.  My response to him was we aren't kids anymore and as men we provide strength to those around us.  And here I am providing strength to the man that has always been strong for me.  Together we'll navigate this to the end.  The end isn't here but it may be near.  We got this.  I got you.