There comes a time

 There comes a time in life where one asks the tough questions.  What am I doing?  How do I improve and secure my family's future?  What am I capable of?  Am I living up to my potential?  Do I thirst for something more?  Is what I am now good enough?  Is good enough the enemy of achieving greatness?  How do I level up and move forward?  How does one navigate these questions while in a committed relationship.  How do you reconcile and move forward?  I don't know.

I stand before you today as someone who has experienced peaks and valleys in my career.  I've been on the fast track climbing the ladder.  I've had thoughts of jumping off the ladder.  Taking my toys and going elsewhere.  Contemplated ending everything due to being clinically depressed with no fulfillment.  No direction.  No drive.  Stuck on a treadmill running to nowhere.  Living life nothing more than a drab shade of grey, searching for happiness and professional fulfillment.  Depression isn't just an illness of the mind.  It is an injury to the soul.  An injury to the body.

In order for things to change, first I must change.  I don't know how many hours I spent looking at my self in the mirror.  Staring into my soul.  Digging deep.  Mustering up the courage to make changes.  Give up what is known for what is unknown.  Taking risk.  Shaking things up.  Giving up comfort, safety and familiarity to discover myself.  A mulligan in life.  A "do-over."

What did I do?  I applied for a lateral transfer with my employer.  I sought out an environment I thought would be beneficial to me.  Reporting to a boss that offices in another station about an hour away with too much on her plate to worry about what I'm doing. Instead of remote work, I wanted a remote boss.  Someone who would give me a long leash.  I went were I could do things my way and let the results speak for themselves.  I facilitated change.  I created a cultural shift.  I improved performance.  I found purpose.  I met challenges.  I inspired people around me.  I created excellence.  

I wanted my boss to visit my station because she wanted to; not because she had to.  I wanted her to know my purpose was to take things off her plate and make her look good.  I wanted freedom.  I wanted autonomy.  I wanted to build a team.  I wanted to lead in a way I thought would be effective.  How did I do it?  In the words of Frank Sinatra, "I did it my way."

What did I learn?  I am good at what I do.  I should be having done it for 16 years. I realized I love a good challenge.  I like tinkering with the station and seeing what works and what doesn't.  I like being empowered.  Encouraged.  Tested.  I learned I am capable of greatness.  Maybe not on a grand scale or in the upper echelons of anything that matters in the grand scheme of things.  I learned I have 12-15 good working years left.  I want to be challenged.  I want to improve things.  I want to build teams.  I forgot I was good at it because I couldn't find my footing.  I was held back.  I couldn't break free.  Somehow...  I did.  I don't know what happened.  Or how it happened.  Thankful it did happen.

All I can say is I am again at the top of my game doing my best work.  Understanding I am no longer a Padawan.  Realizing I am a Jedi Knight.  I don't want to coast or idle down the road.  I want to fly.  

I always thought one of the neatest things about being a leader was leaving my imprint on a station.  I opened a station and worked it for two seasons.  I was an acting GM for a year.  I ran my current station for year.  I left my imprint on all those stations during my time there.  And my challenge to myself is to leave an imprint that stands the test of time.  Now that I've been in and out of few stations what I've done is written a book.  Some chapters are filled with ups.  Some with downs.  But it's my story and I'm really curious and excited to see how the next chapter unfolds.

I was talking to one of my colleagues.  I don't think we're meant to do the same thing for years on end in the same place.  We're meant to grow and develop.  Try new things.  To grow.  Complete one challenge and move on to the next.  Prepare someone else to do the job I've done so when I leave there's opportunity for someone else who will also grow and learn.  And the process repeats itself.  Leave the people and places in our lives better than the way we found them.

It's been a rough couple years.  I'm glad I didn't give up on the company.  I'm glad the company didn't give up on me.

Can I hear a good Amen?!?!  Peace. Out.